9/11

It didn't occur to me until a few weeks into my time here, that I would be in Afghanistan during the 10th anniversary of 9/11. If there was a way to tell little 8th grade Josh Kramer that 10 years later he'd be working with the troops in the war that was started as a result of 9/11 I think he'd probably be surprised.

Anyway there was a concert last night to celebrate and after havdallah in the CMC building me, Warren, Christy, and I went to check out the festivities.

Warren didn't stick around long - he and I were both there mainly for the comedian, only I was willing to wait for him.

The band's name was goldilocks or goldy locks or something like that. They were mostly a cover band and I guess not achieving the fanfare that they were expecting at first. As far as a USO show is concerned I guess it was what I was expecting... lots of we appreciate what you're doing out here (to the troops) and then they played music.

Lots of American flags...

Yet they pulled up an Australian soldier to make a fool of himself dancing on stage.

Hey look there's Benari!

Benari's military experience apparently involves the more peaceful type of shooting.

Have I not mentioned Benari? He works in public affairs for the army. I've told him he needs to work on putting out old school propaganda posters/newsreels in theaters, and I suppose he's working on it. I found out about Benari through his blogpost about meeting Jon Stewart when he came through Afghanistan just before I arrived here. We were wondering why he was missing at Havdallah and now we knew - he was working on this show. I took a few pictures of him taking pictures.

I'd classify this audience as whelmed...

It's not that they were a bad band, it's just that they were a little lesser known and it was hard for me at least to get into it. I'm not much of a concertgoer anyway.

Rock-on Goldilocks.

I say they add a new model to the army men toys. The camera pose!

Then a mosh pit formed.

The one guy really got into it.

Next, the commanders of KAF got up and gave plaques to the touring group and thanked them. Turns out another part of observing 9/11 involves the company that owns outback steakhouse sending dozens of chefs and providing steaks and bloomin onions to the troops. So representatives from those companies and the chefs came out and were recognized.

Finally it was time for the comedy relief. Andy Hendrickson? Yeah I hadn't heard of him either but they can't all be Bob Hope. He was pretty good, considering. I did laugh a bunch...

Of course he made a poo pond joke.

After a slight break, goldy locks came out for a second set and I was done and ready for bed.

Here's what it looked like from another part of the boardwalk.

Now, I'm not complaining about the steak and bloomin onion I had for dinner today, but I was surprised overall by the way 9/11 was commemorated here. Granted, there was a candle lighting ceremony over at the USO tent today, for most of the day as I understand it, but steaks and music? Hardly a mention of 9/11 at that concert? In the states I know there were ceremonies all over. What I had expected when I realized I'd be here for 9/11 was a solemn gathering with speeches from military leaders, a moment of silence and maybe some 9/11 inspired country music of which there was a lot. Instead we got "Sweet Home Alabama" and jokes about not enjoying reading... surprising.

One Month Contractversary

It has been a month now since I arrived at KAF. It is extraordinary how fast the time here seems to slip by. I'll turn around and a week has gone by. This is definitely related to all the days being the same, and having very little variation. Here's how my week normally breaks down:

The first half of the week I get the late shift. That's 1000-2200. I wake up around 0730ish and go to the MWR gym (because it's closer to my room), as opposed to the NATO gym which is supposedly cleaner and nicer (it's nicknamed two-shoes because you must bring a second pair of non-dusty does with you in order to exercise there). Afterwards I pick up breakfast and then get ready to go to work.

Throughout the day there are various odd jobs that I'm responsible for, as well as breaks for meals and incidentals and this helps break up the time on the clock. You'd think it would drag on because it's half a day's worth of work, but it doesn't.  When I get off work at 2200 I sometimes stay after a bit to skype with home - then go to my room and sleep.

The second half of the week I have the 0700-1900 shift. I pick up breakfast on the way into work and eat it in the early slow hours during which relatively few soldiers come in for help in the Army Learning Center. I try to come in a bit earlier because when it's 0630 here in Afghanistan, it's 10:00pm back in Eastern Time, and once daylight savings time starts in November it'll be 9:00pm: perfect time to talk to friends and family through skype.

After work on these days I either go to the gym or to the Shabbat Services available to me (this is why I requested the early shift during the second half of the week), and then the gym. After I exercise, I'll read or watch tv, or if I'm feeling up to it after the long day I'll go to the MWR or the USO which are like morale and welfare institutions for those living on KAF. They have movie theaters, pool, fooseball, video games etc. And that's pretty much how my time here is spent barring any routine-changingly significant events.

I find myself going through that thought process articulated in the show Seinfeld. You know when they're stuck in Florida for an extra five days and Seinfeld goes on about how the first and the last days don't even count, sleeping and meals don't count, and so on until they're really only stuck in Florida for 20 minutes instead of five days? I find myself thinking this way about months going by.

I know I shouldn't start thinking about leaving this early considering I have five more months to go, and considering that I'm not miserable here and don't plan to be... but I can't help it despite all the advice I've been given to not count down to when you're leaving until at least 3 months have passed... and that's only two months away from now and if you take away sleep and meals... see? I'm doing it again...

Here are some more interesting pictures I've collected from living in Afghanistan:

I live on Illinois, the most commonly landed upon space in Monopoly.

Ohio street is only a block away, where everyone is playing cornhole all day long and is nice to each other

The airport has lost some of its 1960s sheen.

 We had clouds last week. It was significant.

Christian enjoying a cigarette on the Education Center's porch.

What feels like the only tree in KAF.

Obligatory sign pointing out which direction and how far away things are.

Remember VHS tapes? They used to be the way to consume media and still are in some places (like the Kramer household). VHS tapes are still popular in very specific places, namely: The Kramer household, and Afghanistan. I'm pretty sure all the VHS tapes that aren't in the Kramer household are either destroyed or have somehow found their way here.

Lots of VHS tapes.

Some Classics. You'll shoot your eye out kid! Also, You can't handle the truth! Also, 1.21 gigawatts?!?!

Update on my own personal content consumption: I'm waist deep into "The Wire". Season 2 was sort of a let-down, but 3 is better. Reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is pretty enthralling - it reminds me of Dan Brown books. I'm also reading Theodore Rex about Teddy Roosevelt's time as president, he was a badass.

Until next time!

Transcredible Exploits: Origins

I've gotten a bunch of questions as to the origins of the name of this blog. So here's the scoop:

The title comes from my favorite cartoon, Futurama Season 6 Episode 2. The episode's 3 segments broken up by the two commercial breaks each start with a black and white parody cartoon called "The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan" based on Flash Gordon type serials.

Kind of hard to explain to non-fans of the show, but if you're interested in watching the episode you can find it here.

Anyway it just sounded like it fit for the title of my blog. Transcribe-able/Incredible exploits. Title explained.

Going to Church

I found out last week that Michael Champion plays in the band for the non-denominational Christian service on Sunday mornings here. I asked if I could come to see it and he said sure! So I did.

That may sound a bit strange, but I'm the sort of person who will attend Mosque in Senegal, Eastern Orthodox monasteries in Bulgaria, Catholic services in Lithuania, Christmas in Bethlehem and so on and so on. I like to see how others worship. When I visit these other types of services I have my little set of rules. I'll sit when they sit and stand where they stand but past that I just observe. No singing or bowing or communion-taking or anything - just watching. Definitely got me a few glares in that Mosque in Senegal, but that's the way I do it.

I arrived to the Fraise Chapel at 1000.. About a hundred people showed up to worship and I was happy for them to have a community of their own that makes them happy and feel like they have a bit of home all the way out here in the middle of nowhere.

The Chapel.

Nobody freak out! I asked permission to take non-flash pictures inside and there plenty of people there taking pictures and videos more obviously than I was.

That's Michael right there haloed by the light from the stained glass.

The service reminded me a lot of the Evangelical church my dad and I went to this past Christmas (now that is a long story involving philosophical discussions between my dad and our auto-mechanic whose church it was that resulted in our attendance). At both there were bands and big screens with the song lyrics displayed and an overall similar air between them.

Sermons anywhere are pretty much about the same thing: be nice to each other, and God is good.

Some aspects of certain churches are strange to me. Interjecting while the speaker takes a very short break with an "amen" or some other statement of agreement simply doesn't happen in my religious background. That one time we invited a couple of black church groups to Park Synagogue and they were interjecting during Rabbi Skoff's sermon sort of threw the rhythm off, not that they meant any harm - just worlds colliding.

Here's something else different to me. Hand-raising as a form of worship:

Hey! That little flag on his arm says he's from Ohio!

Overall it was just as informative and interesting as any other non-Jewish religious service I've attended in the past. Maybe I'll meet people here from other backgrounds and visit their religious services. Who knows?

Being a Contractor, or Missing the Rib Burn Off

There's an automatic stigma associated with the idea of the military contractor. I suppose that's due to the fact that the main reason you hear about military contractors in the news is when there's some sort of controversy or scandal relating to them. Within the military that stigma is magnified. It definitely has something to do with the inflated salaries and the idea that contractors are in war zones at-will whereas soldiers are there at command...

I find this stigma directed towards me from time to time, but it's not as bad as I expected. Here is a quote from a veteran contractor I met in Germany while doing training, "My friend is at Kandahar and he says the contractors are realllllyyy looked down on from the 10 Mt Div.  They are treated like scum."

I'm definitely not treated like scum - the email had a lot of other predictions that didn't come true. I will get some looks every once in a while, though - probably less often than I think considering some of those are probably imagined. Maybe having a beard (see future post) puts me a bit under the radar because most people don't assume I'm from the States, but from either Afghanistan or some other Middle Eastern country.

The stigma is definitely reduced at work. The soldiers that come in clearly know we're here to help them, and to help them along in a process that's essentially getting them what they are due - their military benefits.

Most people have an image in their heads of the standard contractor - some early-middle-aged man who's here for the extremely inflated salary that they do not deserve in order to take advantage of the money that's being freely given away for such menial tasks as who even knows what? I don't think I fit that profile.

In other news: today is the Gross Schechter Totally Kosher Rib Burn Off. If you are reading this at the time of this posting, and are within a 1000 mile proximity to Cleveland, Ohio, YOU CAN STILL MAKE IT! I mean it when I say it's my favorite day of the year. This is because a lot of people I like show up to one place and schmooze while eating all of my favorite foods. If this doesn't convince you here are some pictures I pulled from the RBO album from Schechter's website:

Look how happy everyone is eating ribs!

They couldn't be happier!

My dad made it into the album!

I haven't missed a rib burn off since it became an annual event in 1993, when I was 5 years old. In the past, I've taunted friends who were away at college when I was on a quarter system and had no problem making it because school hadn't started by Labor Day. Now my comeuppance has arrived. I went so far as to write a letter to the editor to the Cleveland Jewish News about how much I'd be missing this great event - which they forgot to include in this week's issue - but it's on the website.

Instead of being there, I find myself laboring my normal hours on Labor Day. As a small consolation the DFACs make an effort to make meals special for holidays so that's something to look forward to.

I'll leave you with this song that always makes me think of the Rib Burn Off:

The Bazaar

This past Saturday Christian and I went to visit the bazaar. There's a little area on base that the people in charge allow Afghans to come into to peddle their wares every Saturday around midday. There are about 4 or 5 rows of shops. At the bazaar they sell a whole bunch of everything. Well, maybe not everything. What they do have is clothes, rugs, jewelry, nick-nacks, raw precious stones, electronics... no food basically, no food or drugs.

I went into the bazaar with the stated goal of not spending a single dollar. I've been terrible at haggling in these settings in the past and I wanted to get a feel for what the prices should be vs. what the initial offer is.

Here are some pictures that I snuck while strolling around:

Rugs and what appear to be belly-dancing outfits... not exactly adherent to sharia law.

Wooden souvenirs, and marble bowls and plates.

That is a rug with Da Vinci's the last supper stitched into it. Awesome.

I didn't get any good shots of the jewelry, but I hear that people can buy raw stones here especially rubies for good prices and sell them back in the states for about three times what they were bought for over here. If only I knew what was real and what was fake. If anyone has any suggestions on that front I'd be glad to take them.

Lots of things made out of some sort of material... can't quite place it.

The most amazing thing that goes on here is the bootleg dvds. Very soon after movies come out in theaters they are available for purchase here at the bazaar. The pictures below are not indicative of that immediacy. The wide selection is truly awe-inspiring.

You're taking a big risk when buying them that your desired content hasn't been dubbed in some other language.

Endless shelves of DVDs.

Most of my souvenir shopping will be done at the bazaar. I'm terrible at haggling, unless I legitimately do not want to buy an item - in those cases, I'll get sucked into haggling because shopkeepers will mistake my dismissal as an invitation to negotiate prices... when it's not.

Driving Around

In my broad and deep two-week experience downrange, I have had some opportunity to see a majority of KAF. There's plenty yet for me to see, but here are some highlights from driving around the base and taking pictures of standard things one might expect to see here.

First thing you see when driving around is the steering wheel. Here it is:

Anything strike you as odd?

The steering wheel is on the right!

Proof - except I easily could've shown the mirror image of this photo. You know what? You'll just have to trust me.

Getting used to driving on the right side of the car was an ordeal. It's all a matter of overpowering the desire for your head to be 43% of the road distance from the right side the road and instead having your head located at around 10% of the road distance from the right side of the road - because we still drive forward on the right here. Was that confusing to read? Because it was confusing to write. When I get back to the states people might want to avoid driving with me for a while because I'll be going through a similar acclimation period - also I'll be windshield wiping instead of turn-signaling.

Our next-door neighbors.

So next door there's a sort of headquarters, but it's not the main headquarters at KAF - I haven't quite figured out what goes on over there, but it's apparently the wing of the Army that we fall under in the overarching hierarchy that is this little world.

Here's what you're definitely most likely to see when driving around here:

Barbed wire, generator flood-lights, and fence.

Another thing you're very likely to see: 

What's your sign? "Speed limit is walking speed"? You must be trustworthy.

Signs are everywhere here. Oh look! here comes another one!

For those who can't convert 20 km/h is like 12 mph.

So we have to go very very slow around here. And for good reason! You don't want to get in an accident with this:

MRAP

So this is what an mrap looks like up close. There isn't really anything in this picture to compare it to for scale, but imagine an average sized person standing next to the front wheel right there. Their head would be at about the top of the wheel casing above the wheel - these things are massive, and there are all sorts of them driving around here in addition to a myriad other large and useful vehicles.

Spoiler alert: I'm going to be collecting pictures of the different international compound entrances and posting about them because I think they are pretty cool looking, but here's what one of them looks like.

The Slovaks compound.

And there you have it, a little summary of what driving around KAF is like. Invariably we end up back at the Ed. Center:

Work, sweet work.